Well I officially made it to Sunday. That has been my goal since October. I have run myself completely ragged and as much as I bitched and moaned about it I was so happy with my team. They did a phenomenal job. For 5 out of 6 kids kids who had never participated before they did great. Coaching is great for all these stay at home moms who have the time to do this or the ones who works part time for something to do while the kids are in school, but single moms don't make very good coaches. I don't have it in me to coach again next year.
Now on to what has been happening for the last little while in my life.
Ok well a long time ago I set up an account on POF. I met several guys from there. One there was just no chemistry with at all. One who thought just because he was disabled he was entitled to put his hands on my body without my permission. One who was a decent guy but because I wouldn't put out on the first date he called and said I wasn't sexy enough for him. Oh and the one who emailed and asked me to use a huge dildo on him. So as you see my expectations for being contacted by anyone halfway normal or god forbide decent from that site were really low.
Until Daniel. He has shared himself. He has helped me in ways that I can't even begin to express my gratitude for. If I worked for the rest of my life I would never be able to come close to giving him the gift he has given me. He has shredded the self imposed bonds I held myself in.
I have found my true self again. I haven't seen me in about 9 years. I have held my heart and soul so guarded that I had forgotten what it was like to feel the sunshine on my face. I had forgotten what it is to love and allow myself to be loved.
The only problem is that I am terrified I will mess it up. Daniel is the man I have been dreaming of my entire life. And honestly he is more than I could have ever asked for. My life would be empty without him.
The longer I have sat here with all of these wonderful things running through my mind that I want to write about him, the more I realize I can't. He is mine to protect and cherish and love. I can't post him in my blog. Its not right.
All I know is that he is going to forever be a part of my heart. I think for the first time I am really in love withe someone. Every time I thought I loved before I was dying to rush in for fear it would stop or disappear. And it always quickly fizzled out. I have no desire to rush this because this feels like the long haul.
I am still contemplating my thoughts on marriage and babies and such. He is fine to not have anymore kids but I don't think I would be freaked out if it happened. Now marriage is a whole other ball game. I have been married twice and both were epic failures. I don't think I am ready for that route again. Not that we are there but I am scared that he will want that in the future. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there. And to be honest he has me thinking marriage might not be so bad after all. I think my fear is that if we do get married someday it will ruin our happiness. I don't need the paper or a law to tell me I belong to someone. I know I belong to Daniel.
Anyway, I have sat here and contemplated and typed very little in the last 2 hours. It is my lazy day and I don't want to be lazy. I want to clean my house and be active today. Maybe I can convince LeiLei to get out and about with me today. I had a full nights sleep for the first time in years. I feel revitalized and alive and ready to take on the world again!
I forgot what it was like to soar.
Now on to what has been happening for the last little while in my life.
Ok well a long time ago I set up an account on POF. I met several guys from there. One there was just no chemistry with at all. One who thought just because he was disabled he was entitled to put his hands on my body without my permission. One who was a decent guy but because I wouldn't put out on the first date he called and said I wasn't sexy enough for him. Oh and the one who emailed and asked me to use a huge dildo on him. So as you see my expectations for being contacted by anyone halfway normal or god forbide decent from that site were really low.
Until Daniel. He has shared himself. He has helped me in ways that I can't even begin to express my gratitude for. If I worked for the rest of my life I would never be able to come close to giving him the gift he has given me. He has shredded the self imposed bonds I held myself in.
I have found my true self again. I haven't seen me in about 9 years. I have held my heart and soul so guarded that I had forgotten what it was like to feel the sunshine on my face. I had forgotten what it is to love and allow myself to be loved.
The only problem is that I am terrified I will mess it up. Daniel is the man I have been dreaming of my entire life. And honestly he is more than I could have ever asked for. My life would be empty without him.
The longer I have sat here with all of these wonderful things running through my mind that I want to write about him, the more I realize I can't. He is mine to protect and cherish and love. I can't post him in my blog. Its not right.
All I know is that he is going to forever be a part of my heart. I think for the first time I am really in love withe someone. Every time I thought I loved before I was dying to rush in for fear it would stop or disappear. And it always quickly fizzled out. I have no desire to rush this because this feels like the long haul.
I am still contemplating my thoughts on marriage and babies and such. He is fine to not have anymore kids but I don't think I would be freaked out if it happened. Now marriage is a whole other ball game. I have been married twice and both were epic failures. I don't think I am ready for that route again. Not that we are there but I am scared that he will want that in the future. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there. And to be honest he has me thinking marriage might not be so bad after all. I think my fear is that if we do get married someday it will ruin our happiness. I don't need the paper or a law to tell me I belong to someone. I know I belong to Daniel.
Anyway, I have sat here and contemplated and typed very little in the last 2 hours. It is my lazy day and I don't want to be lazy. I want to clean my house and be active today. Maybe I can convince LeiLei to get out and about with me today. I had a full nights sleep for the first time in years. I feel revitalized and alive and ready to take on the world again!
I forgot what it was like to soar.
