Mothers are the Root of All Evil

I have done extensive studies on this topic. Mothers are the root of all evil. It doesn't matter if they are super sweet and loving angels or creatures of destruction and doom. It all comes out about the same.

No matter what kind of mother you have there is something in your life that you do or act like because of your mother. More than likely these are not always the happy behaviors of Thanksgiving traditions, but something more akin to screeching like a harpy at your spouse.

Now in my defense there are some wonderful mothers out there. I, myself am a mother. But here in lies the difference...or does it? I know I am screwing up my kid. i know she will looks back on her younger years and wonder why the hell I forced her to wear a seatbelt. Or why I yelled at her for moving at supersonic might as well be moving in reverse speed. I KNOW I do these things. I know I am nuts.

How do I know this you ask? Very well...I shall tell you. MY MOTHER IS FREAKING NUTS AND IS DRAGGING ME DOWN WITH HER!

Ok so yes, I know she has medical issues that cause her insanity but for fucks sake just shut up already! No one cares 45 minutes after you discovered a dish turned the wrong way in the dishwasher! You other daughter doesn't call you because she doesn't want to sit and listen to you complain for 3 hours!

My godfather told me there must be a special place in Heaven for people like me to deal with people like my mother. Well fuck I hope so! I should be declared a goddamn saint for the shit I have to put up with! I am told no less than 12 times a week that I am not a very good mother, that I have too much stuff, that I am a screw up, and several other minor things not even worth mentioning.

For anybody who actually knows me they know this isn't true. My mother just has to nitpick and fuss and bitch about anything and everything AND then call everyone else negative. Again, not sure how this is supposed to work. I really truly wish someone would loan me a map to study to navigate through a crazy person's mind.

She's killing me. Now I know why my stepdad let us move in with them so he had someone to take more of the brunt off him. She switches between the 2 of us now. One day it will be him and then the next its all me. At least P and I have something in common and we share a great deal of mean humor between us. We tease her and torment her but mostly behind her back. It is our only way to lighten the evilness that she bestows upon our family.

Do you have any idea how much it sucks to have to sit a child down and explain to her that her grandmother is crazy and we have to really watch what we say in front of her? And its ok just because grandma is crying and threatening to committ suicide doesn't mean she actually will. That's a great lesson to teach a kid! Let's sign her up for more.

So I guess the moral of this story is...yes mothers are the root of all our insecurities and questions about ourselves. But I relish in the fact that no matter how much I may screw my own kid up it could never come close to how my mother screwed me up!