Addictions

We all know addictions are bad right? Ok so if they are so bad why do they feel so good? Food addiction are for those delicious delectable treats that are loaded with crap we can't digest and certainly don't need but they are sooooo yummy. Drugs give you a high you can't get enough of. But pretty soon you are broke and overdosing because you never can achieve that original high no matter how much you do.

My point with all of this is that I have an addiction. His name is Max. I love him. Plain and simple but oh so bad for me. I can read every other human being who crosses my path very easily. I can feel what they feel and sometimes just gut instinct know what they are thinking or feeling. Not with Max. I think that is part of his appeal. He is a challenge to me. He destroyed two of my relationships. One of whom the other man I hurt ended up killing himself because I chose to be with Max over him and wouldn't take him back.

Three months ago I finally sent Max away. I was gaining control over my world again. I was dating againa nd feeling good about the way life was headed. Then Max sent a text. A very simple text that sunk his claws back into me. "I miss you" That's all it took...

Well in all fairness to me I did stay very leery of him for several weeks. Then he weaseled his way firmly back into my life. He says all the right things but doesn't follow through. He isn't sure if he really wants me or not though I think. But he wants to keep me wound in his web until he decides. And in all fairness I could be imagining all of this too but then again what kind of witch would I be if I can't trust the instincts. They are always right.

So I will continue on this path and be his toy until he breaks me like the selfish horrible boy that he is. He won't ever cherish me and take care of me. He will destroy me completely.

This new song senstaion called Jar of Hearts is the best descriptor I can find. I just wish I was strong enough to say Don't come back for me to Max.