Here Have a Pickle or Two....

I find myself in an very interesting predicament. I placed an ad hoping to find a very special kind of man. All I wanted was just one man who fit my needs and I fit his. Instead I seem to have found two.

Brian came around first. The instant connection between us was incredible. Everything feels just right. Even though I am secretly terrified of moving to be with him and uprooting the girl child again and all of the crap I will have to endure from my family, I can honestly see myself with him for the rest of my life. He would work very hard to make sure I was happy. Hell he was almost ready to step back today to let me be with my other pickle if that is what makes me truly happy. But then I pulled him back in. I couldn't stand the idea of not having him in my life. Its an incredibly powerful and insanely delicious feeling having a man so completely wrapped around your finger and to know that you will do anything to protect him. Even if you end up protecting him from yourself.

Now my second pickle is Dennis. He came into my life last night and I feel like I have been swept up into a tornado. He is exciting and vibrant. In comparison Brian is the ice on my soul to soothe and comfort me. Dennis is the fire to set me ablaze. They each bring something different out in me. With Brian I easily say and do exactly what keeps him hooked. With Dennis I feel almost directed.

I am confused because I don't know which one is better for me. I want to take my time. I want to be with the right man. I want the man who sweeps me off my feet and can't stand the idea of not being my husband. I want the man who just knows he is supposed to marry me. I want the man who throws caution to the wind and falls so much in love with me that we just can't stand to be apart and we can feel each other even when we are apart. I dream of a love as passionate as my grandparents. They managed to know they belonged together after only 43 days of knowing each other and spent 64 years together. I know not all of it was happy or easy but they made it because they were together.

Ok so I am falling asleep and dreaming of the two men I am beginning to care about. Maybe my subconscious dreaming state will point me in the right direction. Goodnight my darlings.