Well the last post back in September has stayed with me. Dennis is long gone because after spending time with him I realized he was just a poser. I am however still close to Brian. I talk to him nearly every day.
So now I have Joe. I am completely smitten with Joe. What can I say about Joe? He is my angel. I realized yesterday that I have lived in the seven circles of hell for a reason. I would never have appreciated my angel if I hadn't lived through what I have.
So I spent the day talking to Joe's friend Steve. In speaking with him I realized some things about myself. I love lightbulb moments! I discovered that the reason I have had problems in relationships with dominant men is because I have no respect for them once they fuck me. All I see is the rutting animal after that. Now as much as I love and need rough hardcore fucking I can't love a man who can do that. I guess in my mind I can't reconcile a man who can fuck me mindless like a dirty whore could possibly be capable of givng me the emotional love and support and worship I know I need.
So enters Joe. He will love me and take care of me and treat me like a Goddess while I am free to get the physical satisfaction I need from an outside source to our relationship. This will only bring me closer to him. Once a bull has finished with his part and I send him away then Joe is the one who comes in and cleans me up and soothes me and holds me so I can sleep peacefully.
As commitment phobic as I am I am not with Joe. I just can't wait to start our life together. I am truly the luckiest woman alive. I want the world to know how precious he is to me and how much I need him.
Is it odd for a dominant strong woman to need her submissive as much as he needs her? I guess not as there would be no domination without someone submitting to it. I mean really where is the fun and fulfillment in ordering around a stuffed animal? And on the other hand one can't submit to something unless there is someone who is ready and able to take control.
I do believe I am going to start documenting my journey into the whole cuckolding BDSM world. But I believe that should in a new blog. The idea is dancing juicily through my mind tantalizing me ever so slightly. The delicious thoughts of chronicling this part of my life thrills me almost as much as living it does. I will come back to this post and put up the link to my new blog when I get the time to start it. Today is a busy day for me however. And I need to get rolling out of bed, take a shower and put some clothes on.
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