Sunday Morning Reflections

So I woke up this morning in a fairly decent mood. I still am for the most part. But a touch of sadness has come over me.

Last night my child was on stage at the biggest city event singing her little heart out to a crowd of over 40,000 people. Without a drop of stage fright in her. She is getting to be so grown up and such a wonderful little lady. I am astounded by her on a daily basis. I'm glad that with the stress and being always in the moment by being a single mother I am still able to step back and admire the incredible person she is becoming. It is truly one of life's miracles. To give birth to this tiny helpless creature and be the nurturer and the teacher and then send them out into the world. A lot of parents have it wrong. They think that you need to hold on as tight as possible to your kids and that they belong to them. Nothing could be further from the truth. We do not own our children. We are blessed to be part of their lives and help guide them and train them to become good people so that they may grow up and produce their own good people one day. Goodness and loving and support perpetuate the same. More people should try it.

This morning I got an email from my aunt and uncle who I no longer speak to for various reasons. They took the poinsettias out to the cemetery for the graves. Seeing the beautiful headstone just reminded me of how very much I miss my daddy. Most days I can keep my mind on other things enough to not be saddened by his absence but this morning the pain is fairly acute. Then I realized why. His mother died five years ago today. Ruby was everything I aspire to be. She was fun and gentle and loving and very innocent and childlike. She raised me for about a quarter of the year every year. I miss her very much too. Her death was easier to accept because she was 93 when she died. Daddy on the other hand was only 61 and should still be here. He should be here to walk me down the aisle when I get married again.

Which brings me to thinking about Joe. I haven't talked to him in days and I am missing him a lot. There are things I am ready to talk to him about. And sweet little Chris. How can I not like Chris? He is so young and so cute and so sweet. But honestly, Joe is my heart. He is the one I have been waiting so long for. There is absolutely no comparison with anyone else. Joe is my one and everyone else is just icing. Ok I am starting to get sappy.

Well now that I have wasted a good hour (almost) I should eat some breakfast and get dressed so I can go spend the day down at the aquarium with my girl. We are very excited about going. It is brand new grand opening this weekend. It should be tons of fun. I am most excited about the stingrays. I love stingrays and they seem to like me a lot as well.

Ok well now I know its time to stop writing as my brain just went blank and I found myself staring a a sun spot on the wall for 5 minutes. Sheesh!